Friday, January 22, 2010

Death Dates

So, I was sitting here today wondering how to work through all of the stuff that has gone on. Yesterday was extremely stressful (thankfully, we got good news during Brandon's dr. appointment). Today I woke up with a headache (which is usual after days of extreme stress) and realized that yesterday was also the three year 'anniversary' (for lack of a better word) of my Grandmother's death. From October until January, it seems like all Ian and I do is observe the 'death dates' of our families. Both of our mothers died in October. My father died in November. His father died December 26, 2009. And my beloved Grandmother died in January. My brother lost his baby in November of this year as well. It just seems like no matter where we look there is loss. Of course we have much to be thankful for but it is all getting a little old. The death and destruction of lives and families seems unfairly tilted in our direction. Call this a pity party if you will, I don't care.I don't want to think about my parents in the past tense. I don't want to talk about having a baby with the man I love and on the heels of it have to consider that our child will have no grandparents because all of our parents are dead. I want to have what other people have...a mother and a father and a grandparent for my children and memories that aren't filled with death and pain. I want to be able to grieve and move on...not start to grieve...then lose someone else and start to grieve...and never completely get over the first loss before there is another. I want to be able to celebrate a holiday without it being connected to a death. So maybe this is a blog...or maybe it's a prayer. I just want a break from death for a while. That is all. Amen.