Friday, January 22, 2010

Death Dates

So, I was sitting here today wondering how to work through all of the stuff that has gone on. Yesterday was extremely stressful (thankfully, we got good news during Brandon's dr. appointment). Today I woke up with a headache (which is usual after days of extreme stress) and realized that yesterday was also the three year 'anniversary' (for lack of a better word) of my Grandmother's death. From October until January, it seems like all Ian and I do is observe the 'death dates' of our families. Both of our mothers died in October. My father died in November. His father died December 26, 2009. And my beloved Grandmother died in January. My brother lost his baby in November of this year as well. It just seems like no matter where we look there is loss. Of course we have much to be thankful for but it is all getting a little old. The death and destruction of lives and families seems unfairly tilted in our direction. Call this a pity party if you will, I don't care.I don't want to think about my parents in the past tense. I don't want to talk about having a baby with the man I love and on the heels of it have to consider that our child will have no grandparents because all of our parents are dead. I want to have what other people have...a mother and a father and a grandparent for my children and memories that aren't filled with death and pain. I want to be able to grieve and move on...not start to grieve...then lose someone else and start to grieve...and never completely get over the first loss before there is another. I want to be able to celebrate a holiday without it being connected to a death. So maybe this is a blog...or maybe it's a prayer. I just want a break from death for a while. That is all. Amen.


  1. Amen is right. I think this is partially why we are so exhausted. I don't know if either of us have gotten two good nights of sleep in a row in 4 months. We have both experienced lots of loss in our lives and I hope it's done for a long time. We need to regroup.

  2. Regroup? Let just push the reset button and start over. Honestly I wouldn't want to have to face this life with anyone other than you. The two most amazing gifts of my life are Brandon and you. We will work through all of this stuff and if life will give us a break, we'll have time to get through it completely.

  3. I can't imagine how difficult the last month(s) has been for your family. But, I do know that we grow from our challenges... which mean, I expect to see you two on the next Jolly Green Giant ad campaign.
    Sorry. I hope my shitty attempt at a joke isn't in poor taste.
    Y'all are all in my thoughts and prayers for rest, recovery, and growth. (ie baby bump...)
    By the way, Brandon is an incredibly handsome boy: great skin and teeth. Interested in arranged marriages? I have a lovely 12 year old.
    (Y'all's love and gratitude for each other -- and B -- is BEAUTIFUL.)

  4. You need a grandmother for the kid(s)? You are welcome to my mom. On the upside, it will give you lots of blogging material.

    On the much time you got?